Complexity of Relationships

The Effects of Computer Science on Dating

Andrew Walker


     Computer science majors are burdened with many heavy stereotypes. Although many of them are false, there is one that appears to be true and plaguing the computing community. The ability to find a soul mate is becoming extremely difficult for anyone interested in science of technology. Computer science students remain single because of the concepts and ideas taught to them throughout their studies. The mentality held by the faculty, general computing concepts, programming tactics and coding fundamentals all bring about the end of the student’s chance to date.


     One of the main problems with the average computer science major’s social life is the lack of time to go out and have fun. It might be assumed that they are spending all their time playing computer games and writing source code for ridiculously useless programs. This is, however, not the case. The stereotypical programmer doesn’t have any friends. The professors see this and do their best to help. They attempt to fill the perceived void in their students’ day by assigning enough homework to keep them busy for hours at a time. No idle time equates to no time for boredom and loneliness. The endless supply of work is the solution to the problem; give computer science majors something else to think about. Unfortunately, not all students require the aid of their professors and would be happier if they were allowed more time to socialize and meet new people. Now, assuming that this can be dealt with and that the pupil of modern technology can feasibly find time to go out and actually meet people, there are still several other problems.


     Many of the general concepts in computing lead to the demise of any relationship that a computer science major might have had. Upgrading is a wonderful idea with technology. When something starts to develop problems or not work as efficiently as desired, upgrading to something newer and better always works. Unfortunately, this idea works wonders in computers, but does not work nearly as well in life. Females do not like being replaced simply because something new is on the market. One must remember to think ahead and put out just a little more at the beginning to ensure upgrading will not be required for a long time, if at all. Another idea that does not work very well in relationships is that of a user. By definition, a user is: “an individual that uses a computing system to produce a result.” (Hughes 473). In many cases, being a user is a wonderful thing. The meaning of the statement can be changed by replacing the words ‘computing system’ with ‘girl’. This changes the connotation and will most often result in a negative outcome. Girls do not like being used and therefore will not date a user, let alone a super-user.


     If it is not bad enough that the general concepts of computing will ruin one’s ability to find a soul mate, the coding practices taught will only make things worse. It is constantly preached that the shortest, fastest and easiest approach is always the best. Although putting as little effort as possible into a project is very rewarding, showing no sign of incentive will quite often scare away any interested lady. They like to know that effort is actually being put into the relationship. This relates closely with lazy evaluation, which will be discussed later. The simple idea of commands is also one that will chase away a girlfriend. A statement is, “the specification of a single action.”(Hughes 470). Commands are issued using direct statements to objects to obtain a desired result. If the output is other than expected, the commands are checked and modified until the final outcome is what is expected. When applied to human beings, commands hurt feelings. There is very little that can be done to debug this to get a desirable result. By taking the shortest, fastest and easiest route or by issuing commands in a relationship, it will only lead down the shortest, fastest path to living life single.


     Finally, if the coding practices and general computing concepts have not hindered any chance of obtaining a girlfriend, the fundamentals of modern programming will. The closed world assumption is one that, “assumes … all the facts about the world are included in the model.”(Clark 251). This means that anything left unsaid is false. For instance, if your girlfriend never explicitly states ‘thou shall clean up after thyself’, it should be safe to assume that you do not have to; wrong. Girlfriends do not enjoy having to give complete instructions for everything said. In fact, a few assumptions toward the greater good of the relationship are often rewarded. Initiative is another character trait admired by potential girlfriends. This is why lazy evaluation is not a useful technique in dating. Lazy evaluation is leaving things as they are until it is absolutely required to evaluate them. Significant others appreciate when they do not have to do everything themselves. Likewise, the basis for object oriented design in itself will destroy any hope for a relationship. The idea of the object is so simple, and yet so powerful. An object, “has a state and behaviour and typically models a real-world entity.”(Hughes 462). Objectifying one’s girlfriend will ultimately ruin the relationship. Once learned, it will be nearly impossible to find a significant other that understands this mindset. People do not like being considered as objects in a relationship. Although considering everything as objects might work to simplify problems with a compiler, it will certainly lead to many more problems in a relationship. None of the above ideas are any more serious than the others, as all of these programming concepts will bring devastation to any meaningful and happy companionship.


     The education system is at fault for so many lone computer science students. Although the faculty tries to help keep the students busy, their work only serves to reduce any chance of meeting people outside of the program. The general programming concepts are the cause of misinterpretations which will lead to relationships falling apart. The ideas demonstrated in coding practices, when applied to problems in real life do not work to a better solution but often force companions away. Lastly, the fundamental programming concepts create a mindset unacceptable and undesirable to soul mates. With these issues in mind, small changes in the curriculum could mean huge sociological development in the minds of students. 




Works Cited


Clark, Robert. Comparative Programming Languages.

Essex: Addison-Wesley Publishers Limited, 2001



Hughes, David. Fundamentals of Computer Science Using Java.

Sudbury: Jones and Bartlett Publishers, 2002